


Space Ace and the Wine Mom

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: On and On [9]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Family, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 00:44:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10204898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: “Wombat kissing, by the by, is totally adorable.”





	

_How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? How can we start over when the fighting never ends? Oh baby, how can we make love if we can't make amends? How can be lovers if we can't be, can't be friends?_

He was a lousy dancer though that had never stopped him before. He had a decent baritone so was able to give Michael Bolton his due. The dancing though, that was special. He shimmied, slithered, and slunk his way across her living room; Liv couldn’t help but laugh.

_We lie awake, this wall between us We’re just not talking, we got so much to say Let's break these chains, our love can free us Whoa, whoa, ain’t it time we started trying Whoa, whoa, gotta stop this love from dying_

“Oh my god.”

“Dance with me.” He said, shaking his torso like Hugh Grant in _Love Actually_. 

“I'm good.” Liv held up her hand as she sipped her wine.

“Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t want to gyrate with this sexy body?” he lifted his _Fantastic Four_ tee shirt just a bit, revealing a happy trail and a bit of belly.

“I'm sure.” Liv covered her mouth so wine wouldn’t spill out.

“Suit yourself.”

_Baby, love is tough but we can take it Baby, times are rough but we can make it We can work it out_

“Oh, to hell with it.” Liv put her wineglass on the coffee table and moved onto the living room carpet. She hip checked him and they started to dance together. The song was nearly over but that did nothing to put a damper on his enthusiasm. And when he hit that note that could only be described as the Michael Bolton note, Liv threw her arms up in triumph.

“My brother and I refer to that as the panty drop note. Michael hits that note in almost all of his famous songs. Then panties just start flying onto the stage.”

“Oh, dear God.”

“Guerrilla usies!” Nathan exclaimed. He took his iPhone from the pocket of his jeans and started taking pictures of the two of them. In one of the last ones, Olivia kissed his cheek. “Olivia Benson, you saucy minx!”

Before he could get all of that out, she kissed his lips. When it was over he placed his hands on her shoulders.

“That was new.”

“Did I go overboard?” Liv asked.

“You're a very lovely kisser so there's a part of me that wants to say no.”

“Only a part? Which part?”

“There's that sauciness again.” Nathan smiled. “Let's sit and drink some more of this wine.”

“I'm not going to say no to that.”

There were two bottles of wine on the coffee table. A bottle of Catena Malbec for Liv and a bottle of Chateau Ste. Michelle for Nathan. They were having one of their wine mom nights. Once a week for the past month or so, the pair would meet someplace nice for dinner and then go back to Liv or Nathan’s place to enjoy music and conversation while splitting a bottle of wine. Since they were both single parents, Nathan’s daughter Clover was seven years old, it was nice to let their hair down whenever they could. 

Liv was glad she finally joined her co-workers for the group happy hour that she had been begging off for the longest. Nathan didn’t work with them but he worked for a tech firm in the same building…seeing him almost daily wasn’t out of the ordinary. He'd even become their go-to guy for computer issues that were beyond the scope of some of the very smart people in their office. If they were lucky, this coming fall there would be enough in the budget to cover a simple IT contract. For now it was Nathan, and his best work friend Stephen Patel, keeping them in the 21st century computer wise.

“I really like you.” Nathan poured his wine and sighed. “I don’t want this conversation to be awkward.”

“Are you gay, Nathan? I'm fine if you are…not that I always assume that a man might be gay because he isn't into me.”

“It’s the accent, my style of dress, and the media I consume. It screams gay for a lot of people so don’t worry Liv, I'm not assuming that the power of your vagina is so strong that not to want it means I don’t want any.”

“Um, OK.” Her laugh was nervous. “To me those things just scream that you're into what you're into and that you're secure enough not to let the judgment of others ruin it for you. And I like that. Even if it sometimes screams gay.”

“Yeah.” He laughed too. “The short story is that I'm biromantic.”

“I almost know what that means.”

“The long story is that I'm ace.” 

“Alright. You lost me just a little but I'm listening.”

“I'm asexual, Olivia. The simple explanation, and believe me this is the _Sesame Street_ definition, is that aces don’t feel sexual attraction. But like every sexuality, there is a spectrum to attraction, feelings, and identification. I identify as a biromantic asexual. I'm attracted to men and women in a variety of different ways and have been most of my life. 

“I enjoy many acts of intimacy but the actual act of coitus doesn’t turn me on. When I discuss it with people, which is rare, I just tell them I have a low sex drive and don’t often feel turned on in that way. They seem to understand and sympathize with that…then they talk to me about Viagra. When you say asexual, people think freak.”

“You are absolutely not a freak.” Liv shook her head.

“I know that, though I do appreciate your adamant tone in the assertion. It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am and how it made me different from a lot of people I knew.”

“You were married.”

“I was.” Nathan nodded. “For a long time my ex accepted my lower sex drive, I really thought that’s what it was when we met. She loved me for who I was as a person…until she didn’t. But I like you, Olivia, and I want to like you the way I know how while also respecting your feelings and not pushing the boundaries.”

“I like you too.” She said.

“I thought we were on the same page until you kissed me. Some of that might be my fault; I can be rather touchy. I always thought what I didn’t get in bed I got in personality and adoration. I adore you. I like holding your hand, singing in the car with you, and talking about wine. I've had a friend crush on you for the longest, but do you know how silly it is to tell a fortysomething woman you have a friend crush on her when so many women want Russell Crowe from _Gladiator_. And no doubt, Russell’s hot. But I am no Russell Crowe.”

“And I'm not a fortysomething woman.”

“Oh God,” Nathan covered his face. “I drop all of this on you and get your age wrong. Please forgive me and please don’t take offense. I didn’t mean anything by it, I just figured since I'm almost 45 then you were. That was wrong of me.”

“At ease, Nath.” Liv laughed. “I'm fifty…something.”

“You're not…you're pulling my leg. You're so beautiful, not that a woman in her 50s can't be, but you're so beautiful.”

“Don’t make me kiss you again.”

They both laughed and Liv sighed. She leaned back on the couch after topping off her wineglass. This would be her last one. Nathan sat back as well, his shoulder purposely bumping hers.

“I know I've said a lot, and I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. But you can always be honest with me about what you're thinking. I promise that I won't be upset with your truth…you deserve your feelings.”

“It sounds as if you're expecting me to kick you out.” Liv said. “Possibly physically hurt you.”

“You were once a cop so if push comes to shove I think you could take me. I've had a few punches thrown my way about this over time. I've gotten quite good at literally ducking and dodging. Do you remember President Bush having shoes thrown at him in Iraq…that’s me dodging punches?”

“Oh God, really?” Liv laughed. After a few moments they were silent again. “I don’t have to perform with you. And I'm not saying that the kiss was a performance but maybe in a way it was. If you're not into kissing then neither am I. I'm not asexual though, I think you know that.”

“I did. What you didn’t know is that all aces have a purple glint in their eyes that only other aces can see. It’s how we keep track of each other across the galaxy.”

“Shut up.”

“You believed me for like 30 seconds.” Nathan chuckled.

“I did not.” She shook her head.

“Yeah, you did.”

“OK, I admit that for maybe 15 seconds my mind said ‘really?’ and then my rational mind went ‘duh, Liv’.”

“Then my job here is done.”

“I like being friends with you, Nathan, I really do. Sometimes I'm mad at myself for not coming to happy hours more a year ago; for being standoffish when I could've been spending time with you.”

“I recall telling you a few times that I was awesome but you didn’t listen.”

“I didn’t. And despite that kiss a few minutes ago, I'm not ready for a relationship. I’m not ready and I'm also not entirely interested. I have so much more work to do before I subject someone else to my stuff. But I enjoy being friends.”

“So we are on the same page? I don’t think us wanting to be friends should change if we’re both into that. And if I ever get too filthy or too touchy, let me know. Just because I rarely experience sexual desire doesn’t mean that I can use it as an excuse to be handsy. I hate when people do that, especially with women.”

“I like holding hands; I like hugging. It makes me feel good inside and it’s so refreshing, to know I don’t have to do anything for that affection.”

“Well, being a friend is good.” Nathan said.

“I mean anything more than that. Some of my friendships with men over the years have been complicated.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. Not to paint myself as Jim Halpert or anything, but that’s not me. As I said, I adore you and have a total friend crush, but you never have to perform with me. I just enjoy your company all around.”

“Thanks. So we’re friends and there doesn’t have to be anything weird.” Liv said.

“Not on my end.” Nathan said. “It’s been a good while since I've had such a time over wine and guerilla usies. How did you get so into red wine anyway? I don't know too many people who drink it almost entirely for wine leisure. I mean I'm sure they exist but I don’t know them.”

“It was my mother’s drink of choice. I didn’t sneak and drink it when I was young or anything; I started with Merlot like many red wine newbies. It’s an acquired taste but I guess mom and I have the same palette. How did you get into Riesling? I know those who love it with dessert but not many call it their favorite wine.”

“The simple explanation is it’s the only wine that tastes good to me.”

“If wine doesn’t taste good then why do you drink it?” Liv asked.

“When I first went to London for University I was the epitome of a Welsh bumpkin. I cleaned up my accent, began dressing more like a hipster; changing myself as you do at that age. I picked up the wine habit in Toronto in grad school. Most people thought I was British, worldly and sophisticated. I didn’t want them to find out I wasn’t so…”

“You spent years drinking something you never had the taste for.” She finished his sentence.

“Yes. Don’t feel bad, 65% of pompous male Scotch drinkers you know can't stand the taste of it but drink it anyway. It empowers them in some way. After enough years the tongue just goes numb.”

“What about bourbon? Are bourbon drinking men like that?”

“Men who drink bourbon are general badasses who are pretty secure in themselves. It’s a known fact. Whiskey isn't for the weak.”

“Hmm.” Liv smirked.

“Anyway, God bless Amelia Brund, she was an older lady I used to be well acquainted with who introduced me to Riesling. I was fond of Moscato but someone made fun of me for ordering it from the menu so I stopped. I was so pathetic.” Nathan laughed. “It took me quite a while, especially while grappling with my sexuality, to stop viewing myself through the lens of others. And not even others who were worth a damn, like my mum or Naomi Campbell…not that I know Naomi personally or anything. I think you get the point.”

“I do.” Liv smiled. He talked fast when he was on a roll, it wasn’t always easy to keep up. “What's a friend crush?”

“It’s that rush of adrenaline and possessiveness you get when someone new and exciting enters your life. You want to spend all your time with them, find out everything about them, match it up with everything about you, hold on and never let go. It’s as intense as any other crush I suppose, with more clothing.”

“I'm glad to know that my clothes stay on in this fantasy scenario.”

“Isn't that refreshing?”

“Does anyone’s clothes come off in your fantasies?”

“Only Rainer Andreesen.” Nathan replied. “Not even Naomi’s do and that’s a big deal because I suffer from full-fledged Naomi nirvana. Don’t get me wrong, I do not cover my eyes when blessed with her nudity. I appreciate how beautiful she is, but it’s not contingent on my having fun.”

“Who’s Rainer Andreesen?” Liv asked.

“Oh, you’ve never seen him?” Nathan typed his password into his iPhone and began to scroll the gallery. “He's an artist and model whose married to Victor Garber. I also happen to think he is the sexiest man alive. Here he is.”

“Ohhh, oh OK.” She smiled and looked at a few pictures. “Nice beard.”

“I know. I've really come to appreciate facial hair as I grow older. Mine never comes in right; I can't even rock the stubble. Stephen has such a great beard and though he's my best friend I'm so jealous of him. He knows this.”

“So biromantic means what I thought it meant?”

“What did you think it meant?” Nathan asked.

“Bisexual with the sexual taken out.”

“I rarely feel sexual arousal, I prefer to think of it as lack of sexual arousal but everyone is different and I won't describe being ace for them, only myself. I feel lots of different kind of attraction. I hate that society and media has reduced all of us to our body parts. Gay, lesbian, bi, pan, ace, trans, and the list goes on. We’re people first except we hardly are. The sexuality stuff has been hardwired in us since birth in the worst kind of indoctrination. Babies, and kids to some extent, could give a shit about sexuality and gender. They just wanna like what they like.”

“Noah has asked a few questions.” Liv said. “He saw two men kissing on TV and he giggled. I asked him why and he said that kissing was gross. I asked if he thought two men kissing was gross and he said it could be two wombats and it would still be gross.”

“Kids.” Nathan smirked. “Wombat kissing, by the by, is totally adorable.”

“Agreed.”

“We should go to the zoo, see the wombats. Do you want to go to the zoo this weekend, Olivia Benson?”

“OK.” She nodded. “That sounds like a lot of fun…I probably haven’t been in years. Noah went recently with his class.”

“Imagine all the usies we can take with our friends in the animal kingdom. It'll be a blast.”

“I'm looking forward to it.” 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Liv pulled it out, saw Ed’s number, and her stomach dropped.

“I have to take this, excuse me.” She answered the phone. “Ed, is everything alright?”

“Mommy, it’s me!” Noah exclaimed.

“Well hello, my beloved. Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?”

“I'm going, I promise. I wanted to call and say goodnight to you.”

“Did you have fun at camp today?”

“Yes! I learned a new word, wanna hear it?”

“Of course I do.”

“Submarine! It’s a ship that sails underwater. We listened to a song called _Yellow Submarine_.”

“Your first real Beatles experience.” Liv said.

“That’s what dad told me. He played me more songs and they were fun but _Yellow Submarine_ is my favorite.”

“Are you and daddy doing OK?”

“Uh huh. I’ll be home on Sunday though. Do you miss me?”

“Very much but the house is pretty quiet.” Liv replied.

“I brought all the noise to Daddy’s house.” Noah said.

“No doubt that he loves every minute of it.”

“He does. OK mom, I love you. Goodnight.”

“I love you too. Sweet dreams, and tell daddy I said goodnight.”

“I will. Mom says goodnight, Daddy.”

“Night, Liv.” Ed said.

“Did you hear that, mommy?”

“I sure did. Rest well and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“OK, bye.”

Noah hung up before Liv could respond but that was OK. He was six years old and still getting used to proper phone etiquette. She smiled, putting her phone on the coffee table and picking up the last of her wine.

“Is it a requirement for all children to talk as loud as they possibly can?” Nathan asked. “Its equal parts endearing and maddening.”

“Noah only does that on the phone. I think he worries that if we can't see him then we can't hear him either.”

“Now that I think about it, that’s pretty brilliant for a six year old mind. I think Clo is just loud. Her mum is loud…my mum is loud. Genetics.”

“Clo is eight, right?” Liv asked.

“She will be next month. I can't believe it’s almost September…time needs to slow down. I'd be alright with that.”

“You won't get any argument out of me. What happened to the lazy days of summer? There has been nothing lazy about the last couple of months. What's Clo doing this summer?”

“She's on week two of three with my Aunt and Uncle. She spends three weeks with them every summer…two on road trips around New England and sometimes the Midwest and one basking in the perfection of Darien, Connecticut.”

“Oh wow, that’s a pretty wealthy zip code.” Liv said.

“I know. My Uncle used to own a car service that ran rich people all over Manhattan and the five boroughs for everything from business meetings to bachelor parties. In the last five years of business before retirement, he started doing distance. So New York business people would travel between like Boston, the Hamptons, Jersey, Philly, and even Baltimore. He made money hand over fist. My Aunt is his second wife but they’ve been together since I was about 17. I'm a lot older than that now.”

“I don’t have any family. My mother died 20 years ago and that left me an orphan. Years later I found out I had a half-brother through the father I never knew. I tried but we never developed the closeness I hoped we would. He did name his daughter after me; that was sweet.”

“You're all alone in the world?” Nathan asked.

“When you say it like that it makes me feel even worse about it.”

“Oh God, oh no, not my intention; I swear. Shall we have a hug?”

“Yes.” Liv nodded and let him envelope her in his arms. It did feel nice; it felt really nice. She wrapped her arms around his midsection and held on. No expectations, no pressure, just a wonderful feeling. “Thanks.”

“For what?” Nathan kissed her forehead.

“Give me some time, I’ll find a way to articulate it.”

“We got time…I'm not going anywhere. Well, I am tonight. I don’t have the poppet at home but it’s probably better to stop pretending I don’t have work in the morning. It’s not even Friday yet.”

“I know.” Liv groaned but smiled when Nathan let go of her. “I had fun tonight.”

“Me too, I always do.” Nathan smiled. “I hate when it has to end. Let's drink to good things never really coming to an end.”

“Hear, hear.”

They tapped their glasses together and finished the last of their wine. Liv almost chuckled to herself thinking about how she planned to try to seduce Nathan tonight. It had only been a month since they'd started hanging out alone but they were adults and adults were allowed to indulge in casual sex, right? Her plans had been thwarted but that was just fine because it wasn’t the right thing anyway. Liv was going to put herself in a position she didn’t want to be in, for what? 

To feel normal? To seem normal? To keep Nathan? He'd been trying to get her to come out, hang out, for a year. If it was just about sex he surely would’ve moved on by now. And if she was a long con conquest, wouldn’t he have made the first move? 

She would do a little research on her own about asexuality. She didn’t want to make Nathan feel like the ambassador. But never in her life had she felt so good about being turned down. How much regretful, questionable sex had Liv had in her life? How much jumping into bed too quickly had ruined things that might’ve been quite nice, or at least tolerable, adding them to more things she repressed over the years? It would be nice not to have that with Nathan, especially when it really wasn’t what she wanted but stupidly would've done because…the usual.

“So I'm looking forward to Saturday.” Nathan said as they held hands and walked to the front door. “We’re going to take the zoo by storm.”

“They don’t know how to handle what we intend to bring.” Liv laughed. “If you have any free time tomorrow then you can pop down for coffee.”

“I think you drink too much coffee, Olivia Benson.”

“I can't argue with that.”

“But I'd be happy to watch you overindulge.”

“Not if it'll get you in trouble, you know, just disappearing from work.” She said.

“A lot of people don’t know this but they’ve installed a location chip in the nape of my neck, right under the hair so you can't see it.” Nathan said. “If I stray too far from the office, they activate it and it shocks me.”

“Why are you so funny?” Liv laughed.

“I'm not; it’s the accent. No one listens to what I say, only the sultry tone of my voice. Bet you didn’t know but Tom Jones is Welsh…that’s why the ladies all throw panties at him. It’s the voice.”

“Oh is that it?”

“Tonight was as lovely as always.” Nathan took both of her hands and kissed them. “I hope to see you on the morrow, Olivia Benson.”

“Goodnight.” She smiled, opening the door for him.

Liv found she was still smiling after Nathan left and she was cleaning up. Her wine bottle was still half full but Nathan’s was empty so she put it in the recycling bin. It was a good night; all of their wine mom nights were. And though she'd embarrassed herself a bit with the kiss, Nathan helped her along to a relatively smooth dismount. They were friends and that was a good thing. 

There were no strings attached, no caveats, or silliness; they were just friends. It was funny but Liv knew she had almost as much as a learning curve with that than she would if they were lovers. How she'd gotten so far behind, so lost in the reeds when it came to normal human interaction, Liv had no idea. It was sad and sometimes it made her sad but those emotions couldn’t have her tonight. It was a great evening and there was just one more day to the weekend.

Liv went into her bedroom and stripped down. She tinkered around with the satellite radio until she found the love songs station. Neil Finn was singing about falling at your feet. There was no need for TV tonight, there was a better way to relax. She plugged the bathtub and started to run the hot water. Once it was half full, Liv would turn the faucet to luke warm. 

It was the perfect combination to create what she referred to as sleepy time bath water. That, an Ambien, and a nice cup of tea would be perfect to end the night. As the water ran, she checked her phone. On wine mom nights she liked to leave the technology to the side for a little while. It looked as if the few regulars in her life were beginning to remember that. She found a name in her contacts and slid her finger across it before listening to the phone ring.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I know we just talked a little while ago but I'm calling to check up on Noah.” She said.

“He's fine.” Ed said. “I've got it all under control and he’ll be back home in one piece on Sunday afternoon. At most, three pieces, but right now I'm anticipating one piece. The goal is one piece.”

“You're not funny.”

“I'm a little funny…sometimes.”

“He was up later than usual.” Liv got up from the bed and checked her bath water. She switched the water to luke warm.

“I let him finish the _Scooby Doo_ movie we were watching since there's no school tomorrow and he's been very well behaved. It was just a treat; not the usual.”

“I trust you and your rules, Ed.”

“Alright.”

“Do you have plans for tomorrow?” she asked.

“Math video games, the dog park, the supermarket; nothing special. But I am teaching him how to budget.”

“Seriously?”

“It’s an important skill that they don’t feel the need to teach in school. I want him to know the value of a dollar. My father taught me and I'm passing it down. Life lessons from dad are essential, not to diminish life lessons from mom.”

“Of course not. Well, you two have fun and I’ll see you on Sunday. Should I cook you dinner or something, as a thank you.”

“The thank you is always the time I get to spend with Noah.” Ed said. “Really, its thanks enough. Though I may not have the strength needed to turn down free food.”

“OK. I'm going to take a hot bath and hopefully sleep like a baby tonight. Give Noah an extra kiss for me.”

“I will. Oh hey, we might see Michelle on Saturday for some city exploring. I didn’t want to do that without telling you.”

“I appreciate that. Whatever you're doing I hope you have a good time.”

“Thank you.”

“Goodnight, Ed.”

“Sweet dreams, Olivia.”

She sighed softly, disconnecting the call. It was time for her bath; she'd slip deep into the hot water and forget her troubles. It had been a month since she'd made the decision to draw the line in the sand with Ed. It was a good decision. She no longer felt so topsy turvy and unable to trust her own mind. She'd finally allowed herself to say yes to Nathan’s coffee invitation…their month together as friends had been both fun and freeing. 

Olivia no longer felt so tethered, well she'd actually felt chained. To what she wasn’t entirely sure. Part of her felt this was just the honeymoon stage and would soon be tarnished. Every day she worked hard to step outside of her doubts and just enjoy life. She enjoyed being Noah’s mom, Nathan’s friends, a victim’s advocate, learning new recipes from the cookbooks she bought on Amazon, having her wine and hot baths.

The second half of her life needed to be a few things that the first was not. Liv wanted adventure, calm, new experiences, sweet quiet, and to make memories with the best little boy she knew. She wanted more baths like the one she was stepping into right now. She wanted Ed Tucker. 

No, no, not Ed Tucker, but something that good again or that had the potential to be. Love couldn’t cure her or make the bad things better but Olivia still wanted it so much. There was nothing wrong with that. She wanted a partner who understood that she wasn’t perfect and who didn’t expect her to sacrifice all she had while they gave nothing in return.

Sliding down until the water touched her chin, Liv tried to stop thinking about it. Either it would come some day or it wouldn’t…her happiness couldn’t be contingent on a man. She had to be strong. Oh God, she was so tired of that term. She had supposedly been that for decades and it didn’t do a damn thing for her. All Liv could be was herself and if being alone hurt sometimes then she would let it hurt. Closing her eyes, she mouthed the words to _Never Tear Us Apart_ and just let go. It was time to let go.

***


End file.
